Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
