I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize