i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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