You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
