I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
3pm strippers are depressing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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