Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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