You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
