I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
