someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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