I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
