how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
