I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
