So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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