you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
