Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
