sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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