I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
