Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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