i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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