No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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