I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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