is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
