she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
