They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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