I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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