I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
