I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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