xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you have feelings for this penis?