it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.