dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck