who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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