We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
