New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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