Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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