My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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