You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
