Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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