dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
