R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
