I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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