Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
