Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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