Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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