Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
