Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
