the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Me too!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Randomize
