If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
