She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
