Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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