i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize