Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
