Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i love accidental penises.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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