There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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