So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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