Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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