I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
