lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
