next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
