How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
