First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
