i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
