i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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