There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
