just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
