Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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