i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
