Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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