started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
