so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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