Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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