It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
