Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
